If i come over, it means nothing
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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