No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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