i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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