party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize