just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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