He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
