You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
