I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
