How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
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Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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