you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
