Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
