did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
