I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
