Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
We have started to decorate penises.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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