when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
