You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
