put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
