dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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