I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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