I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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