There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
