Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
