dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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