Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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