was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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