Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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