I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
