those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
