She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
