I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
