It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
