I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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