Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Girls should come with a carfax report
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
