help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
