So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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