I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Blood and glitter go together right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize