It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
