I wannas sexs uuuuu
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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