ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
