My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
