420 ftw
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
