Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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