I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
