I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
What drink are we having for lunch?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
