Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
