people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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