He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
