Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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