chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
