so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
