what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
