Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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