i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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