I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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