She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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