I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She even gives head with a lisp.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
