Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
