well I can't set my house on fire every night
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
