Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
