Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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