My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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