She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
