fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
