Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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