I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
