Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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