I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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