dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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