How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
