So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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