Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize