Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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