So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
