and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
