Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
