I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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