only if we run a train.
done.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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